Next week will be my last day in therapy. And this is a good thing.
For my last session next week my therapist gave me a list of questions that she wanted me to answer. I thought I would share the questions and answers with all of you so that you can see the value that therapy has given me.
What do I want to leave in therapy?
My fears and expectations. Through therapy I have come to understand and accept the role that my fears and expectations played in my depression. I was constantly over analyzing people and situations because I was afraid people wouldn’t like me if they got to know the real me. This caused me to create unrealistic expectations of myself and how other people saw me. Because of this I kept people at an arms length never letting them get to know me. I would present only one side of myself, and then when people didn’t reciprocate, I would look down on myself thinking they were right in not liking me.
What did therapy grow in me?
Confidence. By letting go of my fears and expectations I was able to see that the majority of my fears were baseless. They existed only in the realm of my imagination. Each act of letting go of a fear or an expectation helped me to feel more confident and secure in who I am. Therapy has taught me to nurture my confidence by expressing my needs to others and to allow the results to unfold without prejudice.
How do I want to carry that forward?
By continuing to express my needs, putting trust into others, and not prejudging the outcome. By remembering that the nervous chatter in my head is the product of years of fear and that it deserves my empathy, not my scorn. I will trust in my own value.
What intention do I want to bring in to my life, and relationships?
I intend to practice self care. I intend to promote healthy communication. I intend to communicate my needs and desires. I intend to trust in my own self value. I intend to be more open. I intend to live every day as myself, and not who I think others want me to be.
What do I need more of?
I need more social interactions outside of the internet. I need to get outside more. I need more friends. I need to show people more of my full self.
What do I need less of?
I need less chatter in my head. I need less fear. I need less expectations.
What feels most inspiring about the changes that I’ve made?
I feel more free to be myself then I ever have in the past. I feel inspired to put myself out there and show people who I really am. I feel motivated to discover myself without fear. Each time I express myself in a more honest way, it inspires me to continue to do so. The freedom and joy I feel being myself with others is medicine to my heart.
What do I hope to cultivate and allow in my life?
Honest relationships with people and myself. The courage to look past my fears to see the man I really am. I hope to cultivate a deeper love between myself and those I care for.
What do I want to make more time for?
I want to make more time to explore the world around me and create new friendships. I want to make more time for self care. I want to make more time to enjoy my loved ones. I want to make more time to find new and creative ways to express myself in a way that’s devoid of fear and expectations.
I can not express enough how much therapy has meant to me. The insight that I’ve gained has been invaluable. I now see myself in a stronger more positive light. I feel more confident then I have in a very very long time. I know that by keeping up the practices and lessons that I’ve learned, will help push me forward in to a future with a little less stress and suffering then before.