I popped a 25mg thc infused gummy bear into my mouth and sat back in my couch. The Google Home device was playing random songs from random singers all singing long drawn out ballads about love lost or mistakes made. I wasn’t sure if that was the sound I was looking for, but I let it play anyway as the bowl of cannabis I had smoked an hour prior started to peek.
The pain in my joints started to ebb. It never took the pain away fully, but it did a great job of taking the edge off and made it easier to forget how bad the pain was. Arthritis is a bitch. I don’t recommend it.
I grabbed the rolling tray that stood in front of the couch where my laptop sat and pulled it towards me as I tucked my right foot under my left knee. Google had decided to throw in a Dean Martin song into the mix for some reason? I lifted the laptop lid and watched the screen light up and Windows 10 start to boot up. My girlfriend had given this to me as a gift a few months ago. I told her that it was too expensive, but she persisted. I wanted the laptop. Of course I did. I’m a tech junkie and hadn’t had a good laptop in a while, but I didn’t want her to spend the money on me. I don’t need much. So I gave in by telling her it wasn’t MY laptop. It was OUR laptop, and anyone could use it. She agreed and she bought it.
It’s pretty much my laptop.
I opened the browser and clicked on the WordPress.com icon in my “Top Sites” section at the top of my Firefox home page. I had recently switched to Firefox from Chrome because it kept hanging and crashing and it was annoying the fuck out of me.
WordPress loaded and I clicked on the notifications icon. Two people liked a post I had written a few days ago. It was getting more attention then I expected. I clicked on their names and looked at each of their blogs. I’ve always tried to visit people who enjoy the things that I create. Part of me wondered suspiciously if people just give likes to whatever comes up in their feed in hopes that you’ll check out their content? I decided I didn’t care. It’s about me, not them.
Google had switched to classic jazz. Count Basie and his orchestra blew it’s horns all over the room as I continued to look at the two web sites. One was a nice blog from a woman who wrote about her day while sharing pictures of her cat. The other was poetry. I gave a like to the woman’s cats because I liked the quality of the pictures and she wrote well enough that I had finished her post. That didn’t happen often. If I don’t like something, I tend not to pretend that I do. I don’t think it benefits anyone. Constructive criticism is a useful tool to any artist, but I also recognize that unwanted criticism can be cruel, and I try to never be cruel.
So I just skipped the poetry.
I clicked on the Write tab back on WordPress. I hadn’t done much writing the day before. It was a busy day and I just never found the opportunity to write or take any pictures. I had gone to work with my girlfriend who worked with her sister selling fiber optic cables to manufactures. I was meeting friends nearby for lunch and since we only have the one car, it just made things easier for me to take her to work and hangout when I had things to do or people to see in the area. I took my laptop with me, but it’s not exactly a calm environment meant for writing, and my knee was aching so I didn’t feel like looking around outside for something to photograph. I had written a single paragraph for a sci-fi story I was working on and that was it. It wasn’t enough.
I knew that I wanted to write something different. Something other then your usual “this is what I did today”. I looked down at my keyboard and struggled to think of anything. Should I write a short fictional story? Should I come up with a writing exercise? Maybe something out of my life?
My mind jumped from idea to idea in jumbles.
Google was playing a song by a band I hadn’t recognized and it’s noise added to the confusion in my head. The room began to slightly tilt and I could feel a unexpected rush of euphoria and calm, but I was unable to focus. What was going on? How was I going to write like this? Why did I feel like I was slowing down?
Then I remembered the gummy bear.